eruriholic:

beefmilk2:

pansoph:

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’

jerry is here

my chinese teacher once shared this story in class about someone who went to the grocery to buy chicken, but they forgot the english word for it, so they grabbed an egg, went to the nearest sales lady and said “where’s the mother”

(via moosey-fate)

purex:

i just walked past 2 construction dudes and one of em just said “i don’t think they’re right-handed or left-handed. they’re just dogs.”

(via thekshizzle)

freejimmer:

college is not fun or better than high school everyone is lying like ya u go to mad parties but when u in the middle of taking shots you’ll remember that online quiz that was due 5 minutes ago and then just sit there and stare at the ground the rest of the night

(via thekshizzle)